indubitable proof that soccer, and sports at last is made with the intent of suffering people's suffering. (I have literally no idea what this means. I drafted this down while I was busy and came back like 5 hours later to write the rest of this post. This is too good to change though).

 

Taking it from the top, 

How did we get here?

I was talking with my good friend oet247 when I suddenly realized the point of soccer. I was telling him about my time being a 4 year old at soccer practice.

Soccer practice

Not even gonna skip multiple lines for this title. I never played even a lick of soccer (I was already smart enough to realize my ultimate purpose was writing up blog articles and thinking about YOMIH). The only thing I would ever do at soccer practice is hide underneath the bleachers. It kinda felt like crawling through caves and tunnels. I love tunnels! I hope that when I one day go to NYC, I can visit the Jewish tunnels. 

 

Bleachers

The main piece of this blog. It was at this point in my story that oet pointed out bleachers look extremely uncomfortable. To this I proposed that their intent was to cause suffering, and to gather as much suffering as possible by packing as many people as possible like sardines. Oet247 tried to argue against this, but I already knew he was wrong.

With this, I shall begin my argumenation. I will focus on bleachers, but know that soccer causes suffering as well.

Argument #1: Bleachers Are Inherently American

To begin, here is a simple, irrefutable fact: bleachers are American. They simply are. Not a single other country would think of huge, aluminium, IBC-compliant structures meant to support the weight of thousands of overweight, gluttonous people. Simply ridiculous. If bleachers don't weird you the fuck out, you are spiritually American, and will be treated as such in the new world order. Beware.

The History Of Bleachers

After doing some basic research, it seems that the concept of a seating area to watch events originated in the Colosseum and amphitheaters. It could be argued that these were more anti-humand than bleachers  (just kidding, that was a prank. In Hell, you sit on bleachers.) due to the sheer violence of the events spectators paid to watch. The events the spectator were seated to watch doesn't matter for this post however, so I will skip over it. What's more important is HOW they were seated. 

More basic research suggests that the poor simply sat on wooden planks and marble in a stair-like construction. Not *too* dissimilar to bleachers, I guess? Where it gets really interesting is when we look at ultra-wealthy seating. At first, they had cushions, but at some point, they got folding chairs, called sella curulis. We are this early in our story, and it is already obvious bleachers are uncomfortable. HOW DID WE GET HERE?

Once the Olympics returned due to the Renaissance, people were seated on wooden bleachers. That's all I have to say about the Olympics, but please, please read Gerardus Theodorus Hubertus Van Innis' Wikipedia article.

By the late 1800s, wooden bleachers really took off. I don't know why? I believe Big Bleacher was manipulating the market in some devilish manner. Anyways, in the 1900s, concrete bleachers started getting into the mix. Get it? Mix, like, what you do with concrete. No? OK. Anyways, here is a concrete stadium. You will notice it is not actually that different from colosseums. I even personally believe American football to be extremely comparable to gladiator-style fights. Simple brutality and barbarity. Each and every single American deserves to die. An interesting developement from the colosseum is that there is no classy, "upper-class" seating to be seen anywhere. Do not be fooled though, this is a quirk unique to this stadium, and other college sport amenities. What the fuck is wrong with Americans? College football? Really? Other stadiums definitely have VIP seating areas, with very much not bleacher seating!! they are usually comfy couches, much like the one in your living room. Because seating is meant to evolve.

At some point in the 1970s, aluminium bleachers came about. I can only assume these get unbelievably hot in the summer, like riding down your favorite slide on a summer day as a child. 

Basers and Bleachball

It is believed that the term "bleacher" originated somewhere in the early 1900s, wherein it was meant as the wooden planks being "bleached" by the sun. The Dickson Baseball Dictionary also defines the term bleacher as describing the people sitting on them.

Baseball is an evil and twisted sport because nearly every stadium exclusively offers bleacher sitting. This is one of the many reasons as to why I see 3 by X as being a fundamental work of literature. It is an extremely rare example of something that is capable to describe the baseball fan's state of mind at any given moment. Read my review if you haven't yet. But I know you have.

 In baseball, there is a section called the "batter's eye". This area describes a spot in the stadium where there would usually be extra bleachers, however, there are none because otherwise the batter has a hard time picking out the ball. This is a direct example of someone removing bleachers to reduce suffering. BLEACHERS = SUFFERING.

Bleacher Creatures

This should just be part of the chapter above, but I really wanted a chapter with this title. Anyways, 

In baseball, certain teams have really dedicated fans. Notable examples include the Yankees Bleacher Creatures (yes, they do in fact have a Wikipedia article. Color me fucking agog.), and Chicagos Bleacher Bums.

 

Conclusion

Sports are for suffering. Bleachers are like a triple suffering sandwich. The ultra-wealthy have not used bleachers in literal millenia. So why should we? Basbeall fans excluded. They can go ahead and sit on bleachers. I don't care. Kill the past to honor the future. Or die.