to be honest, i kind of regret my switch 2 purchase.

 

sure, the games i do have are fun, but there just isnt very many of them. the material is uncomfortable on my hands, its way too heavy, the battery doesnt last all that long...

 

ALTHOUGH, i would have absolutely needed to buy one the very second nintendo announced a new mario maker 3 -- or a new mario at all for that matter -- as a switch 2 exclusive. so i see it as a mandatory purchase. all that to say, i shouldve just waited for the switch 2 lite man (side tangent, the switch lite is one of the greatest pieces of hardware ever conceived. despite me not being a fan of the mushier kind of buttons (seriously, nintendo, would it have killed you to make them clicky? the default switch joycons are already clicky!) used on the device, and not liking the general wider handhelds (i prefer clamshells, like my ayn thor, which hopefully will get its own review in a timely fashion), the form factor just feels right. i love the switch lite).

 

i was excited for splatoon raiders when the release trailer dropped. i love everything about splatoon besides the online pvp gameplay (i dont know, it just doesnt appeal to me i guess. i can barely play first person shooters!) and have previously spent countless hours in the octo expansion, which is an absolute BANGER. i would love to try out splatoon 3's singleplayer content, but unfortunately i completely forgot to buy the game, and don't feel like spending 60 bucks, and then another 20 bucks on dlc, to play one dlc story mode. i love acht though. *hypocrite, hypocrite*! so, naturally, the prospect of a singleplayer-focused splatoon game was exciting to me.

 

i then proceeded to wipe the game from my memory. i didnt watch the splatoon raiders direct because i didnt particularly see the interest in it. although, i would say that worked to my benefit. there's nothing better than playing a game completely blind. i have a bad habit of trying to extract as much content as i can from trailers etc before the release of games im really excited about.

 

props to nintendo for making the game 50 bones; i have no idea what's up with their pricing system. to me a splatoon game deserves the full 70 bones cost but hey, i won't complain. i wanted to get my hands on a physical, but i was unfortunately stuck in bumfuck nowhere at the time of release and couldn't get my dirty, grimy hands on it. i had to get a physical copy, which means my grand total of 4 switch 2 games is entirely digital (trust me, i TRIED to get tomodachi life living the dream on a cartridge. that game was IMPOSSIBLE to find!! i didnt do it for bananza because i lowkey dgaf about that game lol not even worth writing a review. ok maybe. let me think about it. hmm nope.)

 

let's talk about the tiny bit of marketing i spotted for raiders. this game's tagline is honestly pretty bad. "get raiding, get riches"? what? splatoon has always had a rocky history when it comes to advertisements (see: you're a kid now you're a squid now), but i really love that trailer and it's what got me to buy splatoon 1 (not really, it was the wii u era what else was i going to buy? game & wario? i mean i guess i did. broo that game was so bad. i regret spending that moeny 10 years in the future), so i really can't be too harsh on it. there have also been quite a few splatoon raiders trains spotted out in the wild. i think those are cute.

 

cold opens are such a cool and unique experience. this game doesn't disappoint. i still haven't seen the title screen (i just leave the switch 2 in sleep mode while charging it idk no reason to close the game bc this console is poopoo no games). i felt so much aura when they did the title drop, but didn't use the splatoon font, and instead, it uses the regular ninendo one. that was so cold. the game opens with 3 difficulty option; they do nothing other than affecting how much damage you take. i chose the most difficult one (survivalist) because im a big girl.

 

i will talk about the story in a bit, but first, i need to talk about the gameplay itself, because there's something really important that i need to address. splatoon raiders is a looter shooter. there are many like it, but this one is splatoon's. you fight off hordes of salmonids (which has really weird subtext because they are, as i understand it, indigenous species in the splatoon lore. if you're bored, i highly recommend you read this honestly kind of disturbing interview where they go over it, and otherwise, here's the relevant excerpt: "I still remember the feedback we received from team members about a scene where the Salmonids looked like they were chatting. Maybe it was because the Salmonids were depicted in a way that made people sympathise with them as living creatures, but without any prior discussion, everyone who played the prototype kept saying, “Poor Salmonids!”. (Laughs) We thought we needed to do something about that feedback, which prompted us to significantly rethink the visual direction. However, development had already progressed to a certain point. We were in a phase where we couldn’t really change things like the line-up of Salmonid or the overall characteristics of the terrain, so we thought about what we could do within that scope.") to steal their treasure (yes, the game is about raiding and pillaging indigenous tribes). this game's big twist on the splatoon formula is that not only do you have your usual weapon, you also have gadgets. gadgets are toys that you can use to kill salmonids. for fun (and also because i don't like shooting all that much), i decided i would play with only gadgets, which can be upgraded using gadget parts. these parts range from banal cooldown decreases to completely reworking the gadget, or even giving it an extra use (this is the big thing because it completetly changes my perspective of the game compared to a more casual playthrough. im a great game reviewer!). this turned out to be really easy for reasons i will explain later (keep it in mind). oh, also, there is a robot familiar that shoots at salmonids and helps you out. keep this one in mind for the story part.

 

what also sets this game appart of other looter shooters is that it is a true singleplayer experience, or at least, you can play it fully singleplayer if you'd like. no cancerous micro-transactions, no nothing. that's nintendo for you. they understand the importance of AA games and how they fund the bigger AAA titles, etc etc. there is an optional online and local multiplayer mode that i didnt get to play because i 1. dont feel like buying nso (yes you do need nso; greedy mfs at nintendo) and 2. i dont have any friends (that i would want to play splatoon raiders with, anyways). after doing some research, i found out that this mode is really cool. it locally scales the enemies based on the player's progression, so a level 50 player can help a level 8 player just fine. i dont exactly understand how this isnt causing desyncs? i assume the level 50 player has the exact same salmonid roster, but just has health modifiers applied? likewise, you can play on survivalist while your friend is on tourist (the easiest difficulty). this kind of stuff is absolute wizardy and deserved to be praised.

 

to be honest, the gameplay loop got really dull and boring like 60% through the game. but let me take it from the top. the core of the game is killing salmonids. not only do they drop sweet loot, such as upgraded weapons (useless to me, of course. or so you would think! these weapons have modifiers attached to them. i was lucky and got one with a triple speed bonus early on, and i held it until postgame. i felt very fast), but they also drop power eggs. if you've played salmon run before this gameplay loop might seem a bit familiar. and indeed it is! once again, read the interview. these power eggs are essential for stage progression. however, once you have collected enough, you can also pop an ult with the robot to wipe out a lot of salmonids at once. speaking of gameplay, there are three types of missions: regular levels, where you clear one checkpoint and then go to the next until you clear the stage, raids, where you have to kill a lot of salmonids in a limited amount of time (i personally found these to be the toughest. gadgets, with their inherent cooldowns, can only do so much dps in any given timeslot), and "mountain" stages, where you have to extract a certain amount of power eggs from salmonids. there are also bosses (self-explanatory. i dont have much to say about them. they were all boring and dragged on for a bit too long for their 3-attack patterns), and finally, dungeons. these are raider's take on botw's shrines (botw and its consequences on nintendo have been a disaster for gaming at large, but thats a story for another time). these dungeons impose a gadget and weapon loadout onto you, and you have to clear whatever the challenge is to get bonus rewards. luckily for me, all of these levels are completable without any use of any weapons whatsoever, besides the tutorial, and two dungeons: surf & turn and swirling aromas. at the end of every regular stage, you also bring back a chest with a relic in it. these relics give you modifiers that you apply to the character themself. by the end of the game, i was running a speed up modifier, two modifiers that make me deal more and take less damage when im swimming in ink, a modifier that reduces my cooldown speed while im in ink.. there's a lot you can do; once again really similar to terraria accessories.

 

once you finish a level, you come back to your base to organize your sweet loot and craft progressive upgrades, so you are always passively powering up, so on and so forth. it actually reminds me of terraria loadouts in a way. there's always an upgrade to look out for. however, once you get the final upgrade to your base, which is around the 60% mark, there is nothing else to see. for the entire rest of the game, you will have already seen every gadget, every gadget upgrade, every weapon... i just wish there was more content. or less levels and better pacing.

 

onto the gadgets themselves. gadgets are separated into 3 categories; mobility, fighter, and strategy. each category has its own ink tank, which can only carry two gadgets at once. however, you can progressively upgrade your tank. the most important upgrade is the one that allows you to equip a third gadget from another category. here is the order in which i would rank these.

 

S+: strategy. due to the crosspath ability, strategy not only has access to splatellites, but also other really great dps options that absolutely make up for my lack of gun

S: fighter: solely because splatellites are a fighter gadget for some reason? the gadget enables a bunch of orbiting projectiles around your character that not only do insane dps and aoe damage, but also ink the area (which is GREAT for moving around when you cant ink the ground by shooting it), and it has 100% uptime with the right gadget upgrades. this gadget is so far and away the best one that i dont even want to talk about the rest; it would be pointless.

F: mobility. the biggest issue with this tank is that it cant equip splatellites (crosspaths are locked to one other tank, so strategy can equip one fighter, fighter can equip one mobility, and mobility can equip one fighter). however, it has a bunch of other issues. the dps is extremely weak because the mobility gadgets are supposed to aid your gun and not be good on their own which, ok that might be my fault. doesnt excuse it from being awful though. MOREOVER, the issue with a mobility category in any game is that they fundamentally cannot be good. you have to make the platforming accessible to each and every category (duh), which makes mobility useless. why equip a double jump when the game doesn't demand it? physically, CANNOT demand it? there is precisely *one* raid mission in the entire game where i was forced to use the mobility tank. it is a mission where you have to race against the clock and defeat a very high up enemy. however, once i got to the top, i always died before being able to kill the enemy, because of the limited gadget dps. trherefore, i had to skip the level using mobility, which actually felt pretty cool. it's just dogshit though? for some reason it has an objectively worse splatellite gadget?

 

back to an point mentioned previously, there are some modifiers that are unique to classes. these are unique to yet another type of sub-levels, which are essentially two raids stacked on top of eachother with a miniboss at the end. theyre extremely easy. anyways, out of these modifiers, fighter easily has the best ones. it is just our luck that the crosspath upgrade also lets us equip one fighter modifier, which yet again makes strategy objectively the best tank.

 

now that you have a grasp on the basic theory of the gameplay loop (here's a tl;dr: get RAIDING, RAIDER. get SWEET LOOT; go BEYOND.), i want to talk about how progression feels while playing. this game is ridiculously easy (now, i know that this is a nintendo game, but i was still expecting, idk, something?). i struggled at precisely three points in the playthrough: before i got the crosspath ability for strategy, and had little to no dps to my name, when i had to switch to the mobility tank to level it up and finish it (due to this tank being a boatload of Nothing), and when i had to do something ill talk about right now. the map can be divided in three areas. naturally, boses are at the end of each area, and killing it unlocks the next one. however, killing a boss unlocks a hard mode for all the levels in that area, called "spicy" mode. now, i didnt know when these were meant to be done, so i just got them out of the way before moving on. but that turned out to be an awful idea. since these levels are 20-something levels above where you are once you kill the boss, they are meant to be lategame area. but since the regular stages dont have any time restrictions, you can just slowly whittle salmonids down and extract them for crazy levelling. which is to say, i struggled a bit for one or two level, and then i comparatively got so overleveled for the rest of the game that my default strategy tank strategy worked so well that i cleared multiple levels hitless. and then, once you finish the game, you unlock a super spicy difficulty, which is the same thing. although, i forgive this one because its postgame, so youre not really ruining your whole experience. i really dont like these! i think forcing people to replay levels makes for a boring game! if you truly wanted spicy levels, make them a difficulty at the start of the game!!!"

 

my other big gripe with the gameplay is level design. there is precisely three terrains: regular sandy beaches, ice, and lava. would it have KILLED to have more interesting stuff going on (as a matter of fact, they DID have more interesting sutff going on! early developement concept art showed a lively salmonid theme park. i would love to see that place in the game! why cant i have it! quote from the interview, regarding the fun and amusing waterpark: "Yeah, we felt it had turned out nicely and thought implementing that in the game could be fun, but it just didn’t work out at all. (Laughs)"? dont even get me started on underground areas. every single raid genuinely uses the same skybox. they are all in a little square. just.. why?

 

to resume my experience playing the game, i was overlevelled, had nearly never felt actually threatened by the game, and had literally no reason to play after the 60% mark other than sheer wanting-to-see-the-end-of-this-game.

 

to end the gameplay section on a positive note, the game feels really good to play. even though the screen is unreadable bullshit 90% of the time, there is kind of a process in your mind where it all clicks and you can perfectly visualize the area and know what's happening. it feels very immersive.

 

onto the story! deep cut, the idol trio from splatoon 3, are in search of sweet loot from the indigenous (bet you forgot) spirhalite islands. this cast had me really worried during the trailer. like previously mentioned, i didnt play splatoon 3, but this idol group felt really artificial and forced to me. especially big man. why is his whole thing saying "ay!"? but after finishing the game, i admit that i do see the appeal. big man is just a nice and chill guy. i forgive him. anyways, the helicopter crashes. it just so happens that the pilot was a nonbinary baddie who also happens to be an excellent mechanic. hence, their name is "mechanic". the mechanic carries and builds them a raft and shit. the mechanic being a mechanic is really important because the whole game is about building up and upgrading, which the mechanic does by themself. way to go, mechanic! oh, and you can put one of the deep cut members in the bot. who is in the bot changes the ult that you can use. big man's ult is easily the best but you technically shoot ink during it? i didnt count it as a weapon because it very explicitely shoots from big man himself, and doesn't use the shoot weapon keybind, so it's probably ok? im sure i couldve done this challenge using one of the other two's ults so its not that big of a deal. i had to use all three because you also have to level those up. deep cut is here because they want to fix splatville's debt problems by bringing in treasure. do the salmonids get a cut??

 

the rest of the story is. well. there's nothing..? we find out that some engineer built our robot and the tanks, and then died, but we never get told why or what happened to him? these are mandatory cutscene, so i kinda just assumed he would be the final boss? ala octo expansion? but no, he just doesnt show up ever. the game makes no attempts at building anything else up. for some reason, each idol has to sing a song after each boss, and the robot lights up? never explained, we kinda just move on from it. playing the game feels like they genuinely forgot to add the story???

 

compared to the other story modes that ive played, mechanic is easily my favorite protag. they are a cute sweet little baby with actual personality traits. the other ones are kinda blank slate so its really no contest.

 

in conclusion, despite all of its issues, i still really like splatoon raiders. i would put it at a solid 8.5/10. i strongly considered givng it a flat 8, but i think an 8.5 is a fair score. the game is ultimately really fun, and whether you're into splatoon or not, i would consider it a must-buy for anyone with a switch 2.